Internet Dating and Job Hunting: The Same Techniques May Yield Successful Results

About five months ago I was sitting in my friend Marianne's garden relaying my tale of woe about the current state of my love life. "Have you thought about a dating web site?" she asked me. I groaned. Had I thought about a dating web site? I'd been there, done that and now owned a few tee-shirts. I really didn't want to go there again. "You should give it another go if only just to realise that there are loads of men out there and to get out of your rut." And with that she took my hand, dragged me into the house and sat me down in front of her computer.

It is here that I should mention that Marianne is a career coach and a damn good one too. She writes an informative and entertaining blog about making career changes and runs her own coaching business. As we sat in front of her computer with her giving me advice on how to create a profile that captured the essence of me and was tailored to finding my ideal man, Marianne kept chuckling and pointing out how this was very similar to what she does for a living. Then it hit me. Internet dating is a lot like job hunting and frankly you'd rather be in the perfect job than out there looking it for it. So maybe the key to finding the right person online is to approach your search in the same manner you would when looking for the perfect job.

1. Your CV (that's resume for my fellow Americans)
When you're looking for a specific job- that perfect job- you want a CV that stands out among all the rest and shows off your skills, experience and even in some cases your personality so your future employer notices you, wants to know more about you and contacts you for an interview. (As an aside Marianne has written a great blog post on CV and cover letter writing.) This is just the same as an internet dating profile. You want to show off how great you are without boasting and at the same time you don't want to ramble on in great detail about yourself. That will just bore any prospects. Why would they want to know more about you if you tell them everything straight away?

You want your profile to reflect the best side of you, so for pity's sake CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR! This is just as important in internet dating as it is in job searching. If you use text speak in your profile, you will come across as lazy. If your profile is riddled with grammar errors that any primary student can spot, you will look illiterate. Do you want a lazy and illiterate partner? I don't.

Put up a few nice photos. This is a must and is an area where a dating profile is different than a CV. You want at least one nice attractive photo of yourself up there. Profiles without photos usually do not get noticed. Choose your picture honestly as well. Don't select a picture taken ten years ago when you were two stone lighter, but instead choose one that was taken within the last two years. If you end up on a date looking significantly older than or nothing like your profile pictures, at the very least your date might not completely trust you and at the worst no longer find you attractive.

Remember that it is also YOU who's looking to 'hire' someone. What type of profile grabs your attention? What type turns you off? Apply these preferences to the profile you're creating. At the end of the day we want a partner who compliments our personality and is drawn to the same things that interest us. If you don't want to read your own profile, who else will?

2. The Cover Letter
So you think you've found your perfect match online and want to make contact? This is just the same as finding the right job and wanting to be selected for an interview. Make your contact and make it personal. This is the same advice Marianne gives to job hunters about writing cover letters. You don't want to be the typical introduction email or you will just be set aside in the same way employers will bin letters and CV's that are just a repetition of the status quo. I once received a long introduction message that read as if it could have been copied and pasted and sent to many women at once. A friend of mine was on the same site and received the exact same message from the same man. Needless to say, neither of us got back to him and we had a good laugh about it. Really read the person's profile and say something directed towards them, about them and go beyond the trite, "I enjoyed reading your profile and think we have a lot in common." Mentioning a common interest or playing on their sense of humour is a good start. You want give them an intriguing taste of who you are so they will want to know more about you. However, don't be too wordy. Again, you don't want to bore your potential date or give too much away about yourself in one go. If you are the one making the first contact, your introduction message is meant to have your readers want to go back and look at your profile and your profile is meant to leave those readers wanting to know even more about you.

Oh and again you're putting your best face forward here, CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR!

3. The Interview
So you've made contact, spoken a bit and now it's time for that first date. First dates and job interviews are very similar and if you're a naturally introverted person, both job interviews and blind dates can be horribly intimidating. Marianne has yet another terrific blog post about introverts and interviews. One of the keys to success in an interview is preparation and that goes for first dates as well. Re-read your date's profile. Think of some interesting questions that would stimulate conversation and allow you to discover more about your date. However, before you even get to the point of having a first date with someone be sure that you really want to be having that first date with that someone. Get to know them a bit. Exchange a few emails and chat on the phone. Granted some people are not good on the phone and you might not be either, but speaking before your date can give you a good idea of what the date might be like. So give them a ring just to confirm the date and you can at least hear the sound of their voice. In the end the more you know about the person you've just met online, the more relaxed you'll be when you meet them in person.

Once again remember that you are doing the interviewing too. This holds true for job interviews as well. You don't want to find yourself in a job that you despise just to get by much like you don't want to be with someone who annoys you just to have a partner. On the other hand, don't be overly judgemental. This is, after all, just a date and chances are high that the person you meet will be just as nervous as you are. So if you both just relax and enjoy the moment all should go well and if it doesn't and is awful, you don't have to see that person ever again.

4. Don't Give Up
As I said a the start of this internet dating, like job hunting, is not easy. That's not what the internet dating sites would have you think, however. On their introduction pages and in their advertising they show happy couples or cute little animated couples having the time of their lives. They don't show you the amount of time you spend reading profiles, the disappointment of not being written back or how frustrating it can be to go out on a date that you think went well only to never hear from the person again. But, don't let this get you down. Internet dating is certainly not the only way to meet people but it does help in many ways. For starters the not-so-fabulous dates can be seen as flirting practice. You might not meet the right person, but what's stopping you from practising your verbal banter on those you do?

The best way to keep the roadblocks you may stumble across during the beginning of internet dating from getting you down is to not take them personally or seriously. You'll find yourself just giving up on dating completely and losing all desire to put yourself out there if you do. It may not be easy, but perhaps you should approach it in the manner that the internet dating site marketing team would have you believe it all is, light hearted and fun. You need to keep your eye on the prize with an optimistic attitude.

So where am I now with all this internet dating stuff since Marianne put me back online? Well, I must confess that once I realised how similar internet dating and job hunting were I backed off and crawled back into my very dissatisfying, but comfortable, rut. This is quite similar to those people who stay in their mediocre jobs and not seek something better because it is just too much trouble. However, with the new year comes a new frame of mind. It's time that I really got out there and found the satisfying, loving long term relationship that I'd really like. Internet dating may not be the answer, but it is a means to an end. And, it's one I'm going to approach a bit more seriously.

Blown Out

Hooray!!!! pt 2

Again, at the risk of jinxing this let me just say that things last night went better than I expected. Thank you for crossing your fingers, but please keep them crossed as long as they don't become cramped.

I had a feeling things would go well when I had a place and time to meet in my mind to suggest, but he texted me suggesting the exact place and the same time first. :-D

And, today is Friday. :-D

And, the sun is still shining. :-D

Yay!

Hooray!!!!

I may actually get to vote FOR someone this presidential election!!! Barack Obama has claimed victory for the Democratic Nomination. Of course he still has to be confirmed, but I have no doubt that he will be. I have been keeping an eye on him with my fingers crossed since the beginning.

YAY!!!!

In other news, I'm off to see the Sex and the City film tonight with a lovely bunch of gal pals. I'm really looking forward to it. We will be consuming cocktails before going, of course.

And dare I say it... I have a date tomorrow. It's a first date, so I'm trying not to give it much thought. Hopefully, mentioning it here will not jinx it. I really hope I end up liking this guy (he seems really nice thus far) and that feelings are mutual. It's high time I met someone new who I will get on with well (VERY well if you get my meaning. nudge nudge, wink wink). So, please keep your fingers crossed for me.

The sun is shining today and it's nice and mild.

Life is looking up. Let's hope this continues.

My Favs Pt 2 -Oh the Horror!

The thing about jet-lag when you travel from the West to the East is that you are tired during the day, but then come the middle of the night you can't sleep. Thus, I'm blogging.

It being the New Year and all I was going through my blogs from last year and I quite like this one. Despite my denial, it's a bit Nick Hornby-esque.

Quote

Oh the HORROR!!!

That bit before a first date is damn scary. Its hours away at this point for me, and I'm doing this, doing that, trying ignore the butterflies in my stomach. I've had some really good and really bad first dates in the past, but I prefer to simply forget the bad ones.

Not to sound like Nick Hornby, but my all time favourite first date was about 8 years ago with E-. We met at a show at the Tractor Tavern in Seattle. It turned out that we had a friend in common. We also were both David Lynch fans and had an obsession for the show Twin Peaks. E- was an Alfa Romeo addict. He owned two and one was working quite well. So, in his convertible Alfa we drove from Seattle to the town of North Bend, where much of the television show was filmed. He even had a scarf in his glove compartment in case a female passenger might be concerned about having her hair mussed. I wore it as a lark, put on my sun glasses, and felt a bit like Grace Kelly. Not surprisingly the day was slightly overcast, but the mountains were still lovely, and as it was August the temperature was mild. We conducted our own private tour of all the Twin Peaks spots including a trip to Snoqualmie Falls and had a late lunch at the 'Double R Diner' (in reality it's called the Mar T Diner. They have the best shakes and pie there.) We laughed and talked easily. I felt woozy at parts and couldn't stop smiling. Afterwards we went back to his place, hung out and watched a few episodes of Twin Peaks. Of course we made out a bit while watching the show, but we made sure to gave our favourite parts the respect they deserved. The date began at noon and ended at 1AM when I finally went home. Unfortunately E- and I only dated a few months before we figured out that we were more attracted to each other as friends. We're still friends.

My second favourite first date was in August of 2005. I met this guy off a web site and we chatted on the phone everyday for a week leading up to our date in Camden. He had a posh accent, but it didn't seem like he had that sense of privilege that comes from an upper class upbringing. I was delighted when I met him as he was quite sexy tall, slender, dark brown hair, which flopped in front of his big chocolate eyes. He was funny and witty. We walked through the market and had a lovely time chatting about this and that. Then we walked down to Regents Park and had a nice stroll. We played a game he made up called, "Dog", sat in the shade and people watched, which eventually turned into snogging. I felt like I was on a cloud. We walked to the tube together had-in-hand, and I turned pale as we had to take a lift down with about 40 other people. I don't like lifts but have learned to tolerate them. He put his arm around me, kissed me on the top of my head and said, "A bit claustrophobic aren't you?" I nodded and felt comforted by his close presence. When we got to Waterloo, we took the train together his arm around me, my head against his shoulder, both of us quietly reading the paper. He got off at his stop and told me he would call me tomorrow, which he did. However, on our second date he revealed himself to be a true wanker. I no longer speak to him.

I'm writing about this right now to distract myself. However, I need to take care not to get too diverted. One time I locked myself out of my flat hours before a first date as I was focussed on something else. My mobile and I were separated by the locked door and my neighbour, who knew how to climb up the wall and open my back window, was on holiday. Eventually another neighbour came home from work. Her mother owned a ladder and lived relatively close. My window was open, so I was able get in and text my date letting him know that I would be late. I showed up half an hour late, in work clothes, and unable to properly primp as I had planned. Not having bathed, I was paranoid that I smelled the entire time we were together. Things went pretty well though. We ended up seeing each other off and on for about a year and are now friends.

In all I guess it is the dates that aren't spectacular that lead to lasting relationships. Regardless of how first dates go the time leading up to them is quite nerve racking. Augh! I have now wasted a good hour writing this and the time is closer to my departure. I'm still just as nervous. Perhaps I'll clean my flat before I go hmmmm and haw about what I should wear and what shade of lipstick to don.

So as for the outcome of that first date, we had a fantastic time. I'd even put it up there in my top 3 of best first dates, coming in at number 2. Thus it wins out over the out the foppy-wanker-dog boy. (Sorry, but the Twin Peaks date is difficult to beat) . The specifics of the new number 2 favourite first date I shall keep private. As for the relationship, we dated for a while, broke up, and now are decent friends. First dates no longer unnerve me so much.

In other news, my friend Steph is coming to London for a visit in Feb. Woo Hoo! In truth it was the excitement about that which brought on my second wind of energy. So, now I will take some sleep aids and curl up in bed and hope to drift off.

G' night.