Lessons Learnt in 2007

(This was written while on my way to and through the US. I just thought I would wait to post it until today for obvious reasons)

It seems I do a great deal of writing on planes or in airports. There is something about waiting for flights or being thousands of feet in the air that brings out a particularly introspective side to me. When this is compounded with the coming of the holidays, my urge to spew my inner thoughts peaks. After all there is something psychologically purging about blogging.

It’s been an interesting ride this year (putting it mildly), and I’ve learned some things along the way.

* If you rush into a relationship quickly and intensely, chances are pretty good that it will burn out just as quickly. If you are jumping in blindly and hear a little voice telling you that this time is different than the other time when you made a similar mistake, stop and take a step back. More than likely the voice in your head is not the voice of reason but the insane ramblings of lust.

* British Cling Film sucks. American Saran Wrap is better.

* There is no explaining a suicide, particularly a murder-suicide. And, you cannot beat yourself up thinking “If I had only...” thoughts. There is nothing that could have been done. You are not responsible.

* People usually don’t change all that much. You can give them as many chances as you like, but at the end of the day they will still be shit if they were shit before. They just might be shit differently or perhaps slightly less. This doesn’t mean you can’t accept them and love them for who they are, however. Just don’t be surprised or moan about it when they’re crap.

* Pay attention to red flags. They are easily misinterpreted especially if you are wearing rose coloured glasses.

* To ‘blow someone off’ means something completely different in the UK than it does in the US. If you aren’t going to meet up with someone in the UK, you ‘blow them out’ not off.

* To forgive someone for what they have done is divine. To forget about what they did which caused you to have to forgive them in the first place is stupid. Remember, people usually don’t change that much.

* Clinging to your ex's because you are comfortable with them is just plain lazy and perhaps a bit of a cowardly thing to do.

Some of these were lessons I had learnt in the past, but I obviously needed a review this year. It wasn’t the best of years, but it wasn’t the worst either. I gladly welcome in 2008.

Sick Thoughts

Ahh, but my title has probably led you astray. I'm not thinking 'sick thoughts' as such, although I do admittedly have quite sick thoughts from time to time, but I am just sat at home very sick and thinking.

Thinking too much is a problem I have.

And so I woke this morning wondering why I always go back to ex's or why do I keep them in my life. I have now come up with an answer...comfort.

I like to be comfortable. Comfort is good. There is admittedly a charge when a new relationship begins...butterflies, silly smiles, and what not, and all of that is truly enjoyable. But, what makes me the happiest is the settling in and being comfortable, simply knowing what to expect, establishing routines, etc.

That being said, I don't like it to be all comfort and laziness all the time. There has to be spontaneity to add spice to the comfort or the comfort becomes dull. However, all in all I like to know what to expect. Even if what is expected is that the person will be a shit.

It's ironic that I would allow comfort to rule over me like this. I've always thought of myself as an adventurous type, and adventurous types generally go beyond their comfort level. I, on the other had, always date the same type of guy (musician or artist type) and then when it ends I cling to the comfort that relationship brought me. Thus, I either end up getting back with my ex in some way only to have it fail again or I become close friends with them.

It's time to step out of my comfort zone.