Start out as you mean to go on

Happy New Year!

Normally at this time I reflect upon the year and what I learnt as it progressed. Instead of writing a long detailed soppy post about all I experienced this year and the knowledge gained, I'll just sum it up in a list. Major events of 2009 included the following: a break-up, finding a lump in my breast that ended up being nothing but gave me a week of grief, having a long standing debt repaid and a friendship restored, painfully discovering what I thought to be a true and lasting friendship to be a sadly superficial one, passing the Life in the UK test and being granted Indefinite Leave to Remain, Dave and May's fabulous wedding, teaching a new year-level and receiving top marks and accolades in a rather challenging course. Not all of these received blog posts, but they're worth mentioning when summing up the year as a whole.

Now a new decade has arrived and as such I believe it deserves 10 resolutions. I started to tweet them as I came up with them, but decided to just lay them out in one neat blog post rather than just tweet away. So here they are in no particular order.

1) I will take better care of my plants.
I've been a horrid plant caretaker this year and have killed two plants due to my negligence. I've been a better caretaker of plants in my past, so I will do my best to rectify that and return to my good nursing ways.

2) I will buy a new electric kettle to replace my broken one and make coffee at home instead of buying pricey lattes.
Kettle has been purchased. It's actually kind of sexy. Is it wrong for me to think of a kettle as sexy?

3) I will make more and buy less.
I mean this and have started to do so with Christmas gifts this year.

4) I will keep a tidier flat.
No explanation needed here.

5) I will set aside at least 30 minutes five times a week to write for my own purpose.
It does not necessarily follow that I'll be blogging more, but I do intend to take my writing a bit more seriously than I have done in the past.

6) I will cook more and eat out and get takeaways less.
When doing this I will endeavour to be healthy in my meal choices.

7) I will work out at least 3 times a week for one hour.
It may be going to the gym. It may be running. It may be cycling. Whatever it is, it will happen for at least an hour 3 times a week.

8) I will put less effort into obvious superficial friendships and put more effort into the real and lasting ones.
Putting it mildly it's no fun when you realise that you're in a friendship that's a one way street and you've been kind, patient and giving only to receive little back. Or, possibly you are belittled and patronised by someone you once held dear. Both of these things happened to me this year and sadly more than once. Yet, I was forgiving and opened myself up to have it happen again and again. I am fortunate to have some wonderful people as friends and I shall keep them close and treasure them. Certain others I'll just leave be and respond politely to when contacted. No use ramming my head against a wall any more, even if I was wearing a helmet.

9) I will not repeat old mistakes.
I know what I'm talking about here. That's all that matters.

10) I will set my finances in order so I can buy a place.
I hate thinking about this stuff, but I need to and I need to do it now.

So, there we go. Ten (not so) little ways which I will change. And with this blog post, I hope that I'm starting out as I mean to go on.

Now I've got some cooking and tiding up to do.

You can't be more sick of reading about this...

...than I am of writing about it. So have no fear. This is the last time I'm posting about my deadbeat ex-boyfriend.

On Wed, I received a text from Jerk telling me that he would be home that night and would send me the number to track the post then. Then, later at night a text telling me that his flight was delayed but would get me the number as soon as he got in and that was it. Today is Friday.

And thus, my last personal request to him:

"Jerk,

Originally I said that I would give this until Wednesday the 15th of April to be resolved before taking legal action. However as you said in your text that you were again away without the number and would be home by Wednesday evening, I decided to wait.

Wednesday night you sent me a text saying that your flight was delayed, I shouldn't panic and that you would send me the tracking number as soon as you got home. It is now two days later, Friday the 17th of April, and I haven't heard from you.

It has now been almost 2 months since all the mishaps with the transfers supposedly first occurred. In addition you have written me a cheque with insufficient funds and now supposedly sent me a recorded post with a banker's draft which has gone missing and you are not providing me with a tracking number in order to trace it.

I will be filing a claim by the end of the day on Monday the 20th of April if this is not resolved. In addition to the £327 you owe me, you will also be requested to pay the £30 fee I had to pay my bank due to the transfers not going into my account back in February plus any fees for filing the claim. Filing a claim is not something I want to do, but with your inability to provide me with proof that you sent the banker's draft and documents, I don't see that I have another option.

I was really hoping that I would be writing you an apology for accusing you of being so awful and I'm saddened that it looks as though I will have to file a claim instead.

Sincerely,

H~"

And that's it. I did send him a text and a message on MSN, where he's been logged in all week but as 'Away', simply telling him to check his email and do the right thing. I know I'll probably get some crazy story about why he was unable to physically give me the tracking number (maybe he was falsely arrested again or had to go into hospital), but I won't bore you with it. When this is resolved I will let you know, but until then I'm retruning to my regularly scheduled blog posts.

What Am I? An Idiot?

And now we are on to part five. For those of you just joining this saga, please go back 4 posts to the beginning so that this makes sense.

I received a text from Jerk today:

"I thought I said in my mail that I was going away and that is why they were calling me! I also thought I explained that the signature had to be looked up as it wasn't in the system yet. I also thought I said that, as the sender, I had to deal with them. Maybe I didn't put that sorry"

To which I replied:

"This really sounds like you are lying. I've had stuff sent by recorded delivery before and as the recipient if you have the tracking number you can look it up online. You sent me the tracking number last time you sent a recorded mail, so why can't you do it now? You said two weeks ago you would send me the tracking number, so just do it. If you are telling the truth about when you sent it, then you would have the number."

And his response was:

"I do have it but I fail to see which part of I'm away you do not get!"

And my reply:

"And I fail to see why you didn't take it with you as this was unresolved and you were waiting for a call back, especially since this all went wrong when you were away before. Had you sent the number when you last wrote this wouldn't be an issue. You are making this more difficult than it has to be."

And that is where we stand.

I don't know who is the bigger idiot, me for dating this man and lending him money or him for dragging this on and on.

Will This Never End?

If you're just joining this saga, you'll have to go back three posts to get the full story. Now we are on to part four.

I had a dream that I confronted J- and asked him to look me in the eye and tell me that he had sent the banker's draft and documents. He couldn't. As he tried to explain why he hadn't sent me the tracking number, saying something about how it changes on the internet, I began yelling at him. I woke up with my heart racing, went to my computer and sent him this email.

"Hello,

It's now been 7 days since the package you supposedly sent was supposedly signed for. If I had the tracking number I could see it online for myself that it was signed for (per your previous mail) and by whom. I don't understand why, if you were telling the truth, you didn't just give me that confirmation to begin with and let me deal with the hassle of royal mail.

So please give me the tracking number so I can see this for myself. Then I can print out the signature and chase the person up when I go into work tomorrow. Plus this way you are doubly vindicated and I'll be doubly sorry for doubting you. Until I get that confirmation number and see that signature, I'm back to my original assumptions since I still have no tangible proof showing me you've sent it."

I sent that this morning and no I've not heard back.

A mutual friend of ours shook his head when I told him the entire story and said, "He needs to stop digging and just come out of the hole he's made for himself."

Sadly, I think I'm going to have to be filing that claim. How heartbreaking. I'd rather write an apology.

He Said, She Said, How Sad!

For those of you just joining this saga, it begins here and continues here. You might want to read those first. We now continue with part three.

I finally heard from him this morning. As opposed to paraphrasing what he said, allow me to show you directly what he wrote:

"Good morning,

Quiet an e-mail.

Ermmm where to start. Well I only got back at 1am last night so was pretty hard to send you an e-mail! As for you watching me on Facebook and making assumptions all I can say is that Airports have internet access!!!

I am not going to even bother justifying myself to you over all of your accusations as I do not feel I need to explain myself further. I dont lie to you and am not doing so now! I have been away and have just got back. Simple as that. Hard to do much when not at home. I am sorry that the letter has gone astray but it will not be an issue as I paid for it to be tracked. That was the whole point!

I will call royal mail now and see if the letter was signed for and then send you another mail.

As for filing a claim that is totally up to you if you want to waste £125 doing it!"

So I responded:

"Hello,

Well, I want you to prove me wrong and I hope you do. I don't like thinking these things about you, but this has all gotten out of hand has become unbelievable from my point of view.

I do notice, however, that you still have not sent me the tracking number so I can call myself. I would still like that, please. I want to to call Royal mail and hear for myself when it was sent, who has signed for it, etc.

I don't watch your movements on Facebook. They show up in my newsfeed despite my efforts to have them not do so. In fact I've hidden you, or tried to, so that I don't have to see your status updates. However, every time you become a fan of something or join a group, it shows up on the 'Highlights' section. Trust me I have tried to figure out a way to have that not happen, but it does. Hell, I even went off Facebook for a while because I didn't want to see what you were up to. I don't want to delete you as a friend because I do hope that we can somehow be friends in the end. I did go to your profile last night and write on your wall because I was pissed off."

(As an aside I simply wrote "and...?" on his wall)

"As for the claim, like I said I don't want to. I have looked into it and spoken to someone who had to do it. Apparently, you would be the one who would end paying for the fees for me having to file it if I have to.

So, go ahead and call Royal Mail and let me know what they say but also send me the tracking number so I can do the same. As I said I want to hear it from them myself. Plus, if it was signed for I can email that person directly as they will work at my school. If you don't send me the tracking number then I will go back to my assumptions.

I really want you to prove me wrong and to see that this really was a bunch of unbelievable circumstances so I can return to thinking you were the lovely guy I thought you were when we were together."

Actually I don't think I will ever go back to thinking of him as that lovely guy. He'll still be Jerk in my eyes.

Oh but there's more. He sent me an update which must have crossed with my response. His update said:

"Having spoken to Royal Mail I now know that the package was delivered and signed for on Monday!!! Thank you very much.

It takes seven working days for the signature to appear on the website but, as I was the sender the woman is phoning through to another department to get the name of the person who signed for it.

You can then chase them up your end.

I am going out but as soon as they call me I will txt you the name.

Looking forward to my apology when it is proven that I sent it."

To which I responded:

"Please also email me the tracking number and the name. Last time you said you sent me a text with the tracking number, I never received it and I don't want to have that happen again.

In fact to be certain I receive it as we seem to have so many texts and mails go astray, please email the tracking number and name to this account and to my gmail account and maybe to Facebook as well. Yeah it might be slightly paranoid of me to ask you to do that, but I'd rather know for certain that I was going to receive it.

Once I have the money in my account and the documents proving you made the initial transfers, I will gladly write you a humble apology and will be overjoyed to be proven wrong."

So what do you think? Will I get the tracking number so I can speak to Royal Mail myself? Will I receive this package with the banker's draft and documents proving the initial transfers went astray? Will I have to write that apology? Or will I end up having to file a claim?

Jerk Update

I'm up with some sort of stomach nastiness, so I thought I would fill you in on what's happened with Jerk since I last wrote.

I got a text from him saying he would be home later and would send me the number himself and reply to my email. I may have gone a bit overboard in my response, but I told him if this recorded post had somehow gone missing I would file a claim. In addition I said that I felt betrayed by him through all of this and was now thinking everything he told me was I lie and asked him to prove me wrong.

I never heard anything back.

So I sent this email. Please look on it with kind eyes grammar wise as it was written late at night in a rather emotional state.

"Jerk, (yes once again I used his real name)

I see you've just had recent activity on Facebook. So, you've been online, but not contacted me as you promised you would tonight, the 9th of April 2009.

Thus, I'm assuming your silence is an admission of guilt. You have no confirmation number to send me as you never sent the recorded mail with the £327 you owed me and promised to pay me to begin with.

Do the right thing, please and tell the truth. If you really cared about me you would have responded by now, but as you haven't I'm saddened and can only assume that you are a liar about the initial deposits (and thus let me practically starve while you came down for football and went back up to Norfolk, not because your Dad needed you but because you just didn't want to face me since you had lied to me) and also about sending me this recorded mail as you can't even supply me with a confirmation number of said recorded mail.

If you never made those initial deposits in February, the very least you can do is include the £30 fee I had to pay as I went into the red at your expense and had to borrow money from my friends to get by (at least I paid them back). If I don't see a banker's draft and proof of those initial deposits by the 15th, I will file a claim for a total of £357.

Thanks for showing me how very little you cared. I now can only assume that it wasn't because you were hurting that you couldn't talk to me on the phone but because you knew you were lying to me about everything.

If you admit your lies, apologise, explain why you felt you needed to lie to me, set up a payment plan with me, which includes at least the £30 fee for the hell you put me through in Feb, and stick to that payment plan then I will not file a claim. Otherwise if I do not hear from you before the 15th expect a claim to be filed.

I really wish it hadn't come to this, but you are the one who pushed it to this point.

H~" (Oh and I signed it with my real name)

Right, back to bed. I'll keep you posted as this saga develops.

J- Means

...Jerk. J-'s ended up being a jerk.

I let him into my life. I trusted him. I gave him keys. I lent him money. I lent him money. I paid for things. I lent him money.

The fucker still owes me money.

We broke up officially a month ago tomorrow. He's owed me £327 since Feb. You've no idea the stories I've heard about why I don't have this yet. Allow me to tell you some of it.

First, back in February I asked if he could pay me just a £100 back so I wouldn't go into overdraft. He volunteered paying me back the entire thing. I didn't need the entire thing only a £100 of it, but he insisted. He called his bank and wire transferred money into my account....supposedly. The money never showed. He offered to put an extra £100 in to my bank by going to one of my bank's branches to cover me until the first wire transfer came through. That also never showed up. My bank charged me a £30 fee as I went over-limit from waiting for these transfers. Then by some miracle, Jerk was able to get the money back from these transfers gone awry. Then, my cancer scare occurred and we split. Meanwhile he still owed me money.

We made an agreement that he would send me a cheque and the documents to prove that he had made the original transfers as well as my keys. With these documents, I might be able to get the bank to reverse the fee. I got the cheque and the keys but no documents. He said he had simply forgotten them and would send them via regular post.

Then the cheque bounced....boing! Oh and in the midst of emails trying to sort that out, he claimed he didn't fancy talking to me on the phone about this since it was all a bit painful for him and hearing my voice would make it worse.

Whatever... However, I did burst into tears when I read that. But I collected myself and responded that it was painful for me as well and all this unresolved money crap made it worse.

And now I'm awaiting a banker's draft with the money and the documents. He claims he has said it via recorded post to my work on Thursday. So here, read the email I sent to him Tuesday to explain the rest of this bullshit.

"Jerk, (okay I used his name here)

I'm on spring recess and I've called school yesterday and today to check if there has been any post for me. There hasn't been any recorded delivery. The last time you sent the cheque (that bounced) it came within a day. If you sent it Thursday, as you said you did, it should have arrived by today as it has now been 3 business days.

You mentioned in a text on Saturday that you had already sent me the confirmation number for the recorded delivery via text, which I apparently never received. You said you would get your bother to send the number to you, as you were away. I never got any other text or correspondence from you. I sent you a text yesterday saying that if you had sent a text with the number, it would still be in your sent messages and you could just forward me that. I never received a response from you.

As far as I am concerned you have not made any effort to send me the confirmation number since I have never received it. Thus, I am beginning to think that you have been dishonest with me about sending the recorded mail at all.

Considering that I always bent over backwards to help you out, I would think that you would try a little harder to make certain I had the money you owe me so this could be made right. Yet, you won't even resend the confirmation number (if you really sent it the first time). Do the right thing and give me the number so I can track the post. Or, admit you never sent the post originally and send it now (with the other bank documents as well so I can take care of that fee-if you were honest about the initial deposits) via recorded post and then email me the tracking number to both facebook and my regular email so there can be no claim of emails going astray.

H~"

Today I get a text from him saying that he hadn't read his email as he was still away (despite the fact I saw him on MSN all night and he had activity on Facebook) but would try to check his email at a cafe tonight. He said his brother was also still away so couldn't resend the confirmation number. (What his brother has to do with this, I have no idea.) I responded calling him out on the lie for checking his email and telling him that I'm getting tired of him messing me about. I've not heard back.

I seriously am starting to think that he's setting this up to say the recorded mail got lost, so he doesn't have to pay me at all.

By the end of the day tomorrow I will inform him that I intend on filing a claim against him. I don't want to have to do this, but I will.

Yup. J- stands for Jerk.

Ethical Dilemmas of the Monetary Sort

I am not really certain what to do about these two things.

1. Before I went on my holiday I rang my cable company to cancel my television but keep my internet. I was talked into a package that was cheaper than just keeping broadband and phone and in fact combined the three: cable, broadband and phone. It did mean that I would have less channels, but that was what I wanted in the end really-to watch less television. While I was gone they phoned me and left a message saying they couldn't complete the change as there wasn't a phone line in my area. I came home wondering if my cable and broadband would still be working. They are. However, I haven't received a bill for the last 2 months. I looked on-line at my bank details today and their direct debit has been cancelled. I didn't cancel it. They did, but I still have the service. Should I tell them?

2. This next one is a doozy. One of my US Credit Cards (I have 2 US ones and no UK ones-avoiding that at all costs, and trying to pay off the US ones) was near its limit at the end of my holiday. I was a bit worried that it would go over the limit once the interest and periodic rate went through, so I made an extra payment online. I checked today to see what the status is. My balance is $0.00 and I have the full amount of my credit available to me. It's as if someone paid off my balance, but when you look through the transactions it's not there anywhere. Apparently it has been $0.00 for the last 4 days. Should I tell them?

When I tell people about these recent pitfalls of fortune for me, the general response has been to not say anything. The justification for this is that both companies make more than enough money (especially the credit card) so I should just relax and enjoy this windfall.

What do you think?

Oh and, let me take a moment to apologise for not posting in a while. It's been a bit crazy since V Fest what with school starting up and me finishing up my course. Our welcome Pizza party is tomorrow, and I get to meet all my new little ones. They will be walking in like deer-in-headlights since they are the youngest in the middle school. The first full day of school is Thursday.