A Birthday Epiphany (or something like that)

This post will seem a bit cryptic to most of you, and I apologise for that now. However, I'm no longer in the business of airing my dirty laundry here...or any laundry for that matter. Seriously, do you want to see my underwear? But, I digress.

Oh, I'm also going to use the word 'fuck' a lot. Consider yourself warned.

I'm another year older today, and thus far I'm having a spectacular birthday weekend. There is, however, a slight dark cloud hovering above my elation that's now gotten to the point where I don't think I can emotionally handle the status quo, and I need to take action to get out from under said cloud and continue happily on my way.

This action is a very subtle one and probably won't even be noticed (I hope), but there is a possible awkwardness that may result from it if it is. So, maybe I should explain myself before taking this action to ease the possible discomfort. But, it is just a possibility of awkwardness, not definite. By explaining myself I could make things ultimately better in the end, or I could forever destroy a beautiful dynamic that I've grown to love and cherish. I am only doing what I have to do so I can be happy with things as they are and preserve and continue with that cherished dynamic in the future. In other words so that I can happily and comfortably return to the status quo.

Am I making myself cryptically clear? Good. Now, here's the wisdom.

If it's meant to be, there's nothing you can do to fuck it up. You just need to accept the fact that it may not be meant to be.

So, my action will not fuck up anything that's meant to be.  If I explain what I'm doing that will not fuck things up either, if they're meant to be. Publishing this post also won't fuck things up. It's a win-win situation really. If it's really not meant to be, if this dynamic is only a bit of temporary joy, I shall relish it now, kiss it goodbye, and keep the memory of it close to my heart. My happiness is paramount. At the end of the day, I'm the person who will be with me for the rest of my life, so I need to take care of my heart. Whether I choose to wear it on my sleeve before I tuck it safely in a box to possibly give away at a later date won't matter, because if it's meant to be there's nothing I can do to fuck this up.

As you were.