A short while ago I made the very difficult decision to end a friendship, which was very unhealthy for me. Frankly, I think ending friendships is even more difficult than ending romantic relationships and this one was doubly so. This began as a romantic relationship more than 2 years ago and then transitioned into a friendship. The friendship had gone in and out of its messy points since then and, no matter what my resolve, always ended up blurring the lines between being just buddies and lovers. I finally got to a place where I realised I would never be happy with the grey area we continuously fell into. The nature of this relationship seemed to always bring out a dark and rather nasty side of me. In short, I became someone I didn’t like.
I’d been doing ok since this all ended. It was, after all, my decision and I know it was the best for me in terms of overall long-term happiness. I’ll admit there are times late at night when I miss the text messages I would receive as I drifted off to sleep, among other things. But, I’ve been very happy overall since cutting ties.
Isn’t it weird how songs can elicit emotions? I had hardly given this much thought really and then BAM! A Mazzy Star song comes on my iTunes during my prep time and I’m reduced to ball of pain and depression. I probably would have begun crying if a colleague hadn’t come in with a query about our whiteboard program. Funny thing is I had never related this song, ‘Flowers in December’, to said friendship, so I’ve no idea why it triggered the response it did.
As usual writing this has made me feel better. Nothing to do but keep moving on and so I’m back to work.