I'm in Hell

I'm in hell.

Hell is when someone vanishes and you don't know what happened to them, where they could be, or if they are okay.

J- was meant to meet me tonight (well at this point last night) at Arsenal tube stop. He was already in a foul mood as he was coming from Manchester (Man City Stadium) into London and Arsenal (ironically his football team) had lost pretty badly. Then, his train was delayed so we decided to meet at the party. He knew the area where the party was, as Arsenal's home stadium is there. I sent him a text with the address. At 9:45 I received this text.

"Still not in. Am getting really pissed off. Should be there in 20 minutes."

I responded that he deserved some serious pampering due to the day he was having, which I would give him. And, time passed. I rang him at 10:45 and it went straight to voice mail. Thus, I assumed he was in the tube. I continued to ring and text as it became 11:15, 11:30, etc. It always went straight to voice mail and I never received a response to my texts. My friend, Bambos, rang National Rail Enquires at midnight, and I rang May. May rang, David, who knew friends that had gone to the same football game. Both David's friend and National Rail Enquiry informed us that there were severe delays on that line. The woman David had spoken to hadn't even gotten into London until 11:30. May told me that the train this woman had been on would seem like it was almost there and then would back track. I could picture J- getting really angry and getting off the train at a stop to get a train back to Norfolk where he currently lives. But if that was the case, he'd tell me right?

He never showed up. I was in tears at 12:30. I left him a long message urging him to call me as soon as he could to let me know he was okay and left the party with a friend at 1AM.

Once home, I finally was able to fall asleep at 3AM but I woke up at 5:30. I just rang him again, and it still goes to voice mail.

At the beginning of the evening before the trains had even begun to have problems, J- said that he was so annoyed with the game he almost went home instead of coming to meet me and come to this party, but that he had calmed down a bit and was better. I responded that I was glad he didn't go home because I would have been really annoyed if he had. Therefore, I am wondering if he decided to go home once the trains had problems and turned his phone off so as not to deal with my annoyance and would speak to me later when this had all blown over. If that's the case, I will have a difficult time continuing to date him. Turning off his phone so as not to deal with letting me down would show that he only thinks of himself and has little to no regard for my feelings. I would not have been happy, but I would have understood had he just told me. Plus, I would have been able to enjoy the rest of my evening without worry.

Or, maybe his phone died and he had no way to charge it and no way to let me know what had happened. So he went home, arrived insanely late, went to bed, and plans on ringing me later to tell me what happened.

Really hope it is one of those previously mentioned situations or that whatever happened, he is safe. Am sick with worry, unable to sleep, don't know what happened and there is nothing I can do about it. This is my hell.