Holy Sh--!

OH MY GOD! (hyperventilate, breathe, gasp choke) Holy Shmolly! This isn't happening!

I think I'm in a...re..re...rel...relationship.

F*@k!

I'm not certain how I let this happen. I did do my best to sabotage this, I swear. I spent all last week convincing myself that J- didn't like me, was seeing someone else, was wanting to see someone else. I obsessed and my friends here were on the verge of throwing stuff at me and smacking me around to get me to stop. Eventually I calmed down.... a bit.

Then, he invited me up to stay at his parents' place up north as his parents were on holiday this last weekend.

I relaxed a bit more.

And, I had a lovely weekend. It was very mellow, very nice and just the two of us. He picked up on my paranoia a bit and told me I had no reason to worry. J- told me that he wants to take it slowly. (I have to admit that it doesn't feel slow to me somehow.) He said that if he were living in London he'd be seeing me 2 to 3 times a week. However since he doesn't, once a week for a few days would have to do. He also said that the reason why he wants to take this slow is that his 'fingers were burnt badly in the divorce'. Oh, and his parents know about me!! Gulp! My parents don't know about him. I have no intention of telling them until Christmas-if we're still together that is.

It was a lovely time- did I mention that? Oh yeah, I did. I watched him feed cows. I helped him feed chickens. (His parents have cows and chickens obviously). He took me to his local and introduced me to a few mates of his, but mostly we just chilled out with each other for 3 days. It was very, very comfortable-kinda like a little old couple (his words).

I hope writing this doesn't jinx me. My brother was on-line last night, so I told him. Hope that doesn't jinx me. I asked my brother not to tell my parents as that always seems to jinx me. I think I'll stick to my Christmas plan. And oh no....

I'm going to have to get J- a Christmas pressie aren't I? That is if we're still together then.